14.5.10

dun dun dun dun dudududu dun dun

Somewhere along my trips between Vancouver, Prince George and Grande Prairie, I lost myself. I am not sure when, or who I was with when it disappeared. Maybe someone stole it. Maybe, I never truly had a hold on myself. I can't remember where I end and Tyler begins, sometimes I start to do something, and I realize, it is not I that loves this movie, this color, or this game. It is Tyler. I miss me.
Tyler and I began as two separate trees, with our own roots, individual colors, and characters. We grew bigger, our worlds shrank. Eventually we had no where to grow, but into one another, before we knew it, we had been irreversibly entangled. His branches now weave amongst mine, my roots unable to hold me but with the strength of his. It is possible, if separated now, we could go on to live big, strong, healthy lives, with only a few indentations, few remnants of the towering strength we had been. The scarring would be minimal, a few oddities in our structure, nooks and crannies that once held each other, but survive we would. I am worried that if we continue to grow together, me giving him everything I can, that he will flourish, and I, will die.

7.5.10

New post

I feel foolish writing into an abyss. What makes me think I'm so special that people will want to read about my life. Do I actually think people will read about my life? Do I care? Blogging is stupid. But so is keeping a journal. I am finding everything stupid lately.
Summer has basically arrived, and my days have been delightful. Am I the only one that feels beautiful in the sun, despite my freckles? Today I went with Travis to the beach, and we watched the sunset. We talked about the things going on in our lives, and the fight we recently had. Things have really been sailing along nicely for me lately. Is it selfish of me to believe it has much to do with my not speaking to my mother for the past month?
I went to the doctor, for my follow up appointment. Apparently I am a classic depressive, and have a serious anxiety disorder. It is his belief that once I am medicated for these two things, my "seizures" will cease. Cross your fingers for me. So, I guess I am not crazy as I had feared, I am relatively normal in fact.