My entire room smells of pineapple

I've been back in Van for a week, it's been amazing.
Within two days I had a job, now I'm waiting to hear about a second job,
I went to a party, and met an amazing guy, too good to be true maybe?
He's an editor, an English/History student, going to law school, and an impeccable dresser. I don't think he's looking for anything serious, nor am I, so that's pretty awesome. Tyler comes next week, so casual fun is exactly what I need. He was so respectful, so polite, eloquent and funny. He didn't kiss me goodnight, or even hold my hand while we walked, but still, I think he's interested. It seems that he is. I hope so, I think we'd have fun together.
I moved all my stuff into my room, which is huge. And I got a library card, so I've been frequenting The VPL. Life is good.

It's okay if you curl up in a ball

Last night I went out with some friends to play pool.
I wasn't allowed in. Apparently I was overdressed. Yeah. I was wearing a regular causual outfit. I was in flats! He eventually told me to go ahead, but to not ever come back dressed like that. I hate this town, I am so glad I'm only hours away from returning home to Vancouver. Today I'm wearing a blue high waist, a long sleeved black V-neck, nylons, and knee highs. I have never even heard of people not being allowed in for being overdressed, the whole idea is just preposterous. Ugh, it totally put me off. Unhappy.

do do do do dooo doodle do

Today I got my acceptance letter.
Here I come Capilano university. Now the matter of paying the tuition.
fml. Oh well, investment in my future right? ugh.
I spent all day screwing around, thus have still not finished packing. fml.
fml fml fml fml.
Okay now that thats out of my system, i will be moving on. I am making progress, and my life is on track, I must focus on the positive. Aaand today I saw a baby black bear, that was fabulous. So cute and fat. I just wanted to snuggle him. I was called pretty on dailybooth again. Such a lovely way to start off my days. <3 Joel.
That is all that happened today.

You still sing his goodbye songs

I started a dailybooth today. I only have three followers.
Though, I did get called gorgeous, which made my day. I guess dailybooth is kind of a superficial silly thing, but I'm loving it. Until I get called a turd sandwhich or something, I'll hate that. Im contemplating a blonde bob.. Any opinions?
I would love to work at American Apparel, today I went to their website to apply, and I chickened out. I didnt want to send them three photos of myself, if I never heard from them again, I would get all insecure. No one wants that. I should probably just man up and do it. Who cares if I get rejected right? Wrong. I care. Rejection sucks.
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If the rain must fall, if I lose it all

Last night, my mother led a four minute conversation about her dogs bowel movements. It was a truly excellent way to finish our meal. Oh my mother, how I love her. My Grandfather spoke about the ways in which he was going to have to eat dog food because he's on his way to the poor house, yes my grandfather that lives in a multi-million dollar home, drives two brand new trucks, etc etc, and he was quite hurt that none of us seemed too concerned. No one spoke about my move though, which was a refreshing change.
My lack of boyfriend was brought up, in order to point out how many I had had, the term "revolving door" was used, in a most unflattering way. My cousins girlfriend fit in very well, a definite hit with the entire family. Unlike the time I brought one of mine around, and he was told he was welcome to eat outside with the dog. I do love my family, ferociously and entirely, but good lord, they are horrendous sometimes.
I will miss my family, last year was a tough one, I can't count the number of phone calls I made, in tears, missing them and feeling unbearably lonely.
I want to buy an aloe vera plant, though apparently they aren't sold anywhere, extremely frustrating. I'm packing today, I leave on sat, I feel like I just get adjusted to the date, and then it gets moved up. I have much work to do. Also, how do you guys feel about this shade of lipstick?

I get tired, tired of their questions

Thanksgiving dinner today! Not so good for the diet I imagine.
What are you guys thankful for?
9 Days until I move. Scary stuff. At the moment, Im thankful for Lizz Wright, Frank Warren, asofterworld.com ,vichy normaderm moisturizer, and black nailpolish. And of course, my Aunt's broccoli casserole. I gave thanks yesterday for my family, so I feel like today I am allowed to be 95% materialistic. (Frank Warren counts as the other 5%)
We've reached record cold temperatures, I had to wear socks yesterday. I want to get this perfectly clear right now, I am not morally opposed to socks or something. The reason I only wear socks about 2o days of the year is this, I have very few sock-suitable pairs of footwear. Rainboots, stilletto boots, & Uggs. Though I have multiple pairs of all three of these boot genres, I have few articles of clothing that look good with them. It is not I that is sock unfriendly, it is my wardrobe, the poor socks never stood a chance really.
Here is one blessing I was neglecting to give thanks for my very talked about, emotional mess of a breakup, which means this annual conversation won't be taking place;
"So Rachel, Where is your boyfriend?"
"Uh.. I wish I knew, if you come across him, let me know."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No"
"Well why not? A pretty girl like you should have no trouble getting a boyfriend"
"Uhh.. I don't know.. I just don't."
"Well, I wouldn't worry too much just yet, but maybe you should consider changing your hair. [depending upon the year, it's glasses, dress, hair, braces, etc]
"Yeah, okay, I'll try that, and report back this time next year"

Now, it's not that I haven't ever had boyfriends, I have had lots, most weren't serious, and the ones that were, always seemed to shy away from my famjam, we may or may not be an intimidating bunch. In anycase, this year, I will not have the interrogation, they already know whats up. I imagine they'll move onto my mother, and why she hasn't gotten herself married yet. Ahh, we must remember that they mean well.
I am thankful for their love, and for having an excuse to duck out early. Win.

This is my game

I have lost five pounds. Twenty five to go.
I went shopping with my little cousin today, realized that in the past few days I have developed a serious case of road rage.
I have seven days to pack all my belongings and get back to Vancouver, this is not a good thing. Thanksgiving dinner is tomorrow, and I am thankful for the family time. You see I don't want to be all sappy and cliche, but I really do have a fantastic family, and we've had more than a couple big scares in regards to the health of both sets of my grandparents. Fortunately, all have pulled through, and will be sitting around the table tomorrow, interrupting one another and arguing about the liberals and gay marriage.
My cousin's girlfriend will be in attendance, he did well with her, not only is she exceptionally beautiful, but a very nice girl as well. Score for him.
My baby cousin, isn't such a baby anymore, twelve years old, and not pleased about my moving back, I imagine he will be even less pleased to hear its been moved up. But being able to spend some time with the whole family will be lovely. I often sit back, and listen to everyone, take in the voices, and the expressions, the arguments, and in those few moments, I know that no matter what, I belong, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday Johnny

Dear John, Happy 69th birthday, The Beatles for Rockband, disturbing to say the least, Im curious as to how you feel about it. The remastered albums, I imagine you'd be happy with, I of course bought the set. Certainly we miss your style, and your peculiar art. I just finished reading an amazing book about your life, you're a pretty cool guy, but you and I both know, Ringo Starr will always carry my torch. Obama won a peace prize, while his country is at war, I'd like to hear you talk about that one. So long .Bates xx


Today should be interesting, starting it off with a heart breaking Noah and the Whale song, I have to pack in preparation to move. My friend is graduating from university, and due to my lack of planning, I may be missing it. I now need to do a complete life schedule overhaul. It's so sunny, today will be a test of inner strength and determination. Oh dear. On the upside i do have all the ingredients to make a great spinach salad, and it's a laundry day. I love laundry.

I really want to capture the moment, in all it's bad hair glory

Micheal Vic is getting a reality show? Are we serious? Who is going to watch that, I mean really? He hung dogs from trees, what could he possibly have to offer the world? Heidi Montag certainly is no prize, but I would rather see Speidi conquer the world of reality. Micheal Vic, as far as I'm concerned is scum.
I bought a Nikon today, an intense one, that takes film. I love film cameras. I'm tired of digitals, Im tired of people asking me to retake their picture because their eye was closed. I want candid shots, to capture the moment. Im tired of poses and retakes, I want purity. Film offers me that. I am a photographic expert by no means, I am in fact a complete noob. So if anyone has any advice, it'd be appreciated.
I also found a great shade of lipstick, and an even better vintage raincoat, the color of a good bordeaux. I'm a pretty happy camper today.
I did some shopping for my new place also, just basics, a chair, some dishes, nothing fancy. I'm extremely excited about the move, my mom is trying to hide her heartache, as is my grandmother. Though my family appears to be supportive, I feel like they are just waiting for me to fail. We'll see how it all plays out. Im relatively confidant.

What are sticky keys?

I wore my favorite high waisted skirt today, and my grandma laughed at me, claiming that I looked like a housewife from the sixties. I guess seeing as sixties was my goal, this was a compliment. This is the newest addition to my skirt collection. American Apparel claims it can be worn as a dress, the little darlings.I would rather not pull a Lindsey and show everyone my Britney, so I'll continue to don it as a skirt. Im curious as to what my dear Grandma will claim I look like in this.
I need new glasses, I am contemplating horn rims? Any opinions?
The new Metric album is phenom. As is the Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johanson.
My top ten obsessions this week
1. The new postsecret book
2. Les Miserables on vinyl
3. Pete Yorn
4. My new yellow wool coat
5. Bedding
6. Black Towels
7. Ping for iPhone
8. Finding a great new belt
9. Chateau du Pape wine
10. Fixing my horribly dyed hair

The days when love was on our side

It's time to let go. For real this time, not time to find a new vice, or pretend I have moved forward, while still running back to what we once were, what we had. Maybe we never even had it, maybe we just thought we did, maybe I just thought I did. I choose to believe it was ours, and though it was a messy troubled affair, our love was beautiful, and new and helped shaped the people we both have now become. I know he changed me for the better, and I hope he'll always be in my life, I hope he will allow me to stay in his. Tyler has showed me parts of myself that I had no idea were there. In him I found I safe place to explore my sexuality, and a partner in all kinds of crime, he encouraged my dream of being a writer, and nurtured my independence. In being with him I learned what love was, and what it felt like to be truly disappointed, he broke my heart the first time, and the second. In terms of a first love, he was a good one. It terms of a boyfriend, he was dreadful, as a friend, we shall see. First off, I must learn to stop wanting him, must learn to accept defeat, to accept that we will never touch lips again. I just cant help myself, the sex was amazing, I was getting used to multiple orgasms, and I miss his small hips. His smile wasn't half bad either, and waking up to his warmth and groggy voice wasn't wretched.
I have waited twelve months for letters that will never come. Spent twelve months waiting for tangible proof that he loved me entirely, because he let me down so many times that just his words were no longer enough.
Husky rescue is currently soothing my heart, thankyou Ryan for the introduction. I have been searching online for a delightful bedding set, failure entirely. I need to buy a coat tree, and a garbage can. I need to be busier, and though I have much to do, I am doing nothing. I am longing for London, but my whole "London is for lovers" bit has tainted things. Twitter is consuming my time, in a way that outdoor activities never could.

Hes been dead sixteen years

I'm stuck so deep in my head that I don't even know who's really here and who's leaving. I hate everyone lately, I don't want to talk to anyone, the mere thought of spending time with people annoys me. I am an unpleasant bitch lately. I have a nervous energy coursing through my blood. I am nauseous every morning, the taste of toothpaste and coffee makes me gag. It is now that I wish I had something profound to say, some deep emotion to express, but I do not. 3 billion other people have felt this way, and if they haven't yet, they will.
I have decided I will rent a room in the house Jillian rents from. I imagine there will be collaborative dinner efforts, and some wine nights. Most importantly, it will keep the crushing loneliness that so often creeps into my soul at bay. At least for a time, I seem to be perpetually lonely, no matter where I am, or who I'm with. Just one of my ridiculous quirks I guess.
Tyler called this morning, he was two hours late for work, because he drank all night. I worry that he isn't responsible enough to live on his own, on one hand I trust him to make all the right choices, but on the other, he keeps letting me down. With luck, I wont have to fix his messes in the city, with fantastic luck, he won't make any messes. His charisma is overwhelming at times, and he has a good heart, and is much smarter than he gives himself credit for, he will be fine. Let's just cross our fingers he doesn't worry me right to death.
On a lighter note, I bought the most fabulous yellow wool coat yesterday, it is my favorite item of clothing this week.

Write me a letter baby, do not leave out the words

Mere weeks until I leave. Jillian, and I have missed one another in a way I did not predict, it will be good to be together again. You miss your girlfriends when they are so far away. Tonight I drove around listening to Frank alone, all my friends had moved away, and my backup friends were busy with the people that didn't leave them behind sixteen months ago, I realized then how lonely I am, and how loneliness in a busy city, and loneliness when the world is still, is entirely different.
Tyler is busy distancing himself from me, whatever that means, god that man is infuriating. Jillian thinks I need a clean break, maybe that's true, but I care about him, I want him to care about me, and believe it or not, he's become one of dearest friends. I am concerned that he wont come to Vancouver, and my plans for Metric, Stanley Park, the Aquarium and red wine dinners will end up being just another empty chair beside me.
I havent started to pack yet, that doesnt seem to be concerning me.
This will be an awfully big adventure.

Your pink ribbon won't be enough at baggage claim

You've won one too many fights,
My dog got a haircut today, he's straight up, the cutest thing ever.
I'm trying to sort out things to bring with me, and leave behind, I have way too many articles of clothing, but I love and adore each one, I can't seem to part with any of them. My friends seem to be in the strangest mood, some of them are fighting amongst themselves, quietly and fairly, and then others seem to be fighting loudly, and obnoxiously with everyone and everything. Either way, they're all fighting, I am not a fan. Something in the water maybe? I was supposed to go to a lunch with a bunch of them, and instead, I sat in starbucks with a book, alone. I can't imagine this being a bad choice.
I have taken so many photographs, I have boxes and boxes, full of photos in frames, in scrapbooks, strewn randomly developed and undeveloped. I have been wanting a film camera for ages, but at least with digital, I can keep them somewhat organized on the computer, with film, I can imagine myself with stacks and stacks of photos, without any semblance of order. A necessary evil maybe? I swear if I go to a party and one more person asks me to retake a CANDID photo, because they had their mouth open, or they weren't looking, I'll kill someone. The atmosphere is lost in their poses.
Oh film, how i long for your purity.