Inhale, exhale. Right foot forward, left foot forward kind of day

Sometimes it takes me a moment or two to realize what kind of garbage I've just spewed, or even a day or two to accept that I've acted like a complete ass. In most cases, I do the obligatory apologizing and leave things at that. Occasionally, I make an exception, and am ornery and entirely unpleasant for no reason, knowing full well what I'm doing is wrong, and I do it anyway because I can. I thought that phase had ended in highschool, thought I had matured. I have not. I have been a complete bitch bag to everyone around me lately, I dont know why, but I'm not stopping.
I want a cigarette, but dont want to stand in the rain. Im always fighting with something, but it's usually just myself.

I got so city girl on you

I have been seeing a man for the past few months. He is entirely different from the majority of guys I get myself into, as he is entirely heterosexual, basically married, and more than twenty years older than I am. He has been a test of my own moral boundaries, and I am begining to understand that I have little to no morals.
My original plan was to not get emotionally attached, to just have a kind of hedonistic mean nothing relationship. It's not quite working out that way, I'm getting more and more attached to him, and after almost four months of polite dating, we're making plans to get a hotel. Though I have told him it's what I want, I don't know if it really is. I am afraid I guess. The thought of him going home to another woman didn't bother me at first, but it's starting to nag at the bag of my mind, I'm finding myself getting jealous, and a touch insecure. I hate that feeling. I seem to seek out men who are entirely unavailable, fml.

It looks that easy

"So you're telling me that you moved to Vancouver in October, moved to a new place, and found out your boyfriend was gay in November, moved to another new place in December, have only had approximately 3-4 hours of sleep a night since November, ended up in a coma in January, and now you think I should let you go home? Do you realize that you spent time on life support? Ms. Bates, do you understand what that means?"

How was your new years? Did you all have a good time? I hope so. I ended up having seizures and wound up in a coma for a few days. I woke up and forgot that Tyler was not my boyfriend, and was in fact my homosexual best friend. I finally made it out of the hospital at the end of January, and after having to live with my father for a while, I am finally back at my new apartment, and back at work full time. My life is a complete mess. I am okay with this. My job is moderately satisfying, my apartment is tiny, and my roommate is a touch annoying, but I'm happy for the most part.

I am however afraid that I may actually be a crazy person. My doctors think that my seizures are psychological more than physical. I keep skipping my appointments because I am afraid of what they'll tell me. I know I should want to find out what the problem is, but I'm afraid that I'll walk in as a normal person, and leave as a bi-polar medicated mess.