I just don't know what to tell you, it's almost funny now

1. I am not afraid of success, I am so terrified of failure, that I would rather not try. I know that " You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" but I do not care. I would rather say, "I won't" than, "I couldn't". This is true for everything in my life, from cranium to my career, I would rather not try, than try and fail.

2. Every person in my life, thinks that my best friend is bad for me, I do not disagree, nor do I know how to let the boy leave without watching him go. I love him, I think... At the very least, I need him. I need him to need me too. Maybe I am still in love with him, or maybe I never was, I do not understand the way I feel about him, but I don't want a life without him. He is Will, I am Grace.

3. I have seizures, or tremors, or fits, or whatever this weeks doctor decides to call them. I do not know why, I am not even entirely convinced that it's not all just in my head, maybe I'm crazy. I am starting to use them as an excuse for everything. I am becoming dependent on my disorder.

4. I have serious Daddy issues, I am both terrified and in awe of my Father, I love him, and I am so insecure about his love for me. I know it is a ridiculous insecurity, but it is mine.

5. My best friend tells me I am fat. I believe him. I want to change, I want to lose a significant amount of weight, but I am too lazy to actually do anything about it. I aim for heroin chic kind of skinny. The kind of skinny that looks unhealthy, that kind of beauty is what I want.