I got so city girl on you

I have been seeing a man for the past few months. He is entirely different from the majority of guys I get myself into, as he is entirely heterosexual, basically married, and more than twenty years older than I am. He has been a test of my own moral boundaries, and I am begining to understand that I have little to no morals.
My original plan was to not get emotionally attached, to just have a kind of hedonistic mean nothing relationship. It's not quite working out that way, I'm getting more and more attached to him, and after almost four months of polite dating, we're making plans to get a hotel. Though I have told him it's what I want, I don't know if it really is. I am afraid I guess. The thought of him going home to another woman didn't bother me at first, but it's starting to nag at the bag of my mind, I'm finding myself getting jealous, and a touch insecure. I hate that feeling. I seem to seek out men who are entirely unavailable, fml.